


Ev'ry Time We Say Goodbye

by lukegrey



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/F, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-08
Updated: 2016-12-09
Packaged: 2018-09-07 06:39:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8787580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lukegrey/pseuds/lukegrey
Summary: Regina and Emma always have to leave; sometimes together, sometimes with one behind. Based on the song "Ev'ry Time We Say Goodbye" by Ella Fitzgerald. Multiple one-shots.





	1. I Die a Little

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic of course starring my OTP. FYI, this is mostly ignoring current plotlines but I will retain the integrity of the characters. This is for my own sanity, because OUAT broke my heart when it was good, in a galaxy far, far away. 
> 
>  
> 
> This will be divided into multiple one-shots related to a line from the song that will serve as a summary. Enjoy!

_Ev’ry time we say good bye_

_I die_

_A little_

Regina’s warm hands cupped Emma’s face as they kissed soundly, wrapped around the other in an embrace neither wanted to admit was loving. Their sex had been quick, but passionate; now they were savoring the little time they had left together, before Emma returned home to Hook, and Regina to Robin.

Pushing up from the bed above her lover, Regina caught her breath and smoothed back dark locks from her face. She gazed at Emma’s lean form beneath her, all legs, muscle and just utter _beauty_ ; she knew she didn’t even come close to deserving someone like this woman, this blonde who had taken over her life the minute they met.

Emma sat up to meet Regina and smoothed her hands down tanned breasts, humming in pleasure.

“God, it’s always so hard to leave you,” Emma whispered against Regina’s chest, leaving soft kisses in a disjointed pattern.

Regina tilted her head up and sighed. These moments always felt so final, like leaving behind splinters of her blackened (yet healing) heart. She broke apart from Emma’s arms, earning a grunt of annoyance from the blonde as she leaned over to grab the hotel alarm clock.

“Shit!” Regina slammed the clock back down and started scrambling for her clothes. It was nearly 6 in the morning – Robin would be awake in the next hour, and she should have returned from her “business trip” with Emma long before dawn

“Regina…” Emma said quietly from the bed, where she sat upright and unclothed, and clearly in no rush to leave. “Babe, it’s fine." 

Regina whipped her head around, glaring at her lover. “Of course it isn’t _fine,_ Emma. This…us… _we_ shouldn’t have done this. Shouldn’t have _continued_ this-“

She stopped herself and threw up her hands, turning toward the wall mirror and running hands through her hair. “I need to go. I’m not supposed to be with you, I have a _soul mate,_ for fuck’s sake!”

Emma watched as Regina straightened out the rest of her clothes and threw her things into her purse. She suddenly felt a desperate longing for the dark-haired woman, despite their occasional meet-ups in the shady hotel five miles from the Storybrooke border and stolen moments throughout the week. But to Emma, it was more than a hookup borne out of boredom or attraction: she and Regina understood each other, knew how deeply loneliness could travel to a person’s core.

Regina was the first to spark Emma back to life, but also was always the first to leave her, the first to go back to living a lie with a man she hardly knew.

A single tear rolled down Emma’s cheek and she quickly wiped it away before Regina could see. Curving her lips into a thin line, she clasped her hands in front of her, the sheet barely covering her chest as she waited for another goodbye from the woman she needed to see and feel every day. 

Grabbing the keys to her Merc, Regina emerged fully put together and makeup perfectly applied, ultimately erasing remnants of their night together. She frowned when she saw Emma’s downturned mouth.

“Any day now, dear. I’m sure you don’t want to explain anything to Hook any more than I do to Robin.” 

Emma lifted her head from her chest. “You go ahead, Regina,” she said in a half-whisper. “I’ll take a cab.”

“Don’t be silly,” Regina scoffed. “Get up, get dressed, it’s time to go back to reality.” She took a few steps forward to the bed and trailed her hand down Emma’s toned bicep. “Until, of course, when the mood strikes again…” she husked, running her eyes over Emma’s naked top half. 

Emma slapped Regina’s hand away, who flinched at her lover’s sudden anger.

“No, Regina,” Emma growled. “You’re right, it’s time to go back to _them_ ” – she spat out the word, anger dripping in her voice – “and say our goodbyes. Forget whatever we have with each other.”

“I didn’t say I wanted to _stop_ -“

“But that’s what you meant!” Emma yelled, hands in the air and eyes wide. “Just go, Regina. Go home, go to Robin, just…go.” 

Emma turned her head away as Regina stood still, mulling over the blonde’s words in her head. They both knew it was wrong to continue, but the nagging part of her brain told her she never wanted to tell Emma goodbye ever again.

Instead, she walked out the door, closing it with a sharp click behind her. She rested her forehead against the cool paneling, wondering why it always had to be so hard to stay and to leave at the same time.

“Goodbye, my darling,” Regina whispered. After a few moments, she finally pushed away from the door and walked down the stairs to the parking lot, leaving behind a trail of the rest of her heart in pieces.

 


	2. Go (Please Stay)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regina and Emma break and rebuild.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some reference to drug use and death in this chapter. 
> 
> This was inspired by "The Parent Trap" with Lindsay Lohan, particularly this scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjZ8LG9ZDZg 
> 
> (not great quality but you get the gist)
> 
> I don't own any of these characters, and any mistakes with addresses/descriptions are my own.

_Why the gods above me_

_Who must be in the know_

_Think so little_

_Of me_

_They allow you to go…_

Four suitcases were piled by the door, one larger than the next and filled to the top with endless designer clothing and keepsakes. The cab to the airport would be arriving soon; the final touches for departure had been made hours (perhaps days) prior.

The last traces of life in the mansion were photos of the ex-mayor, her ex-wife, and their son – Emma, who initiated the divorce, insisted they stay as “a reminder that there was once happiness” – but Regina couldn’t stand to look at them before she left.

The study, once her fortress of solitude, was bare save for the stark white furniture and the dark-haired woman standing near the window. Regina watched as snow quietly blanketed Storybrooke, covering all the ugliness her home had endured that year in a coat of sparkling powder.

She closed her eyes, pursing her lips as flashbacks of the year hit her – trying IVF, having a miscarriage, losing her re-election (she blames her atrocious campaign manager and the disastrous and now infamous debate, where she divulged every awful detail of her lost pregnancy in front of her wife and the town), Emma serving the divorce papers one month before their second anniversary. 

Tears slipped out from long lashes and ran down her face; she didn’t bother to wipe them off as she tightened her red scarf around her neck and slowly put on her trenchcoat. 

Regina was moving on in the only way she could – leaving her family behind because she had caused so much pain, and suffering alone was her penance.

 

**Two months ago**

 

“But why London?” Henry asked, incredulously. “You don’t know anyone there, Ma can’t afford to send me overseas all the time to see you-” He ran a hand through his floppy brown hair, eyes so wide with worry that Regina momentarily forgot she was talking to her son and instead saw her soon-to-be ex-wife. It killed her, knowing that soon she may not have the chance to look into either set of eyes for a long time.

“It’s for the best, Henry,” Regina said softly, cupping her boy’s chin. “Emma – your mother and I feel distance may be the best solution right now.”

“Besides, I’ve never left the country- _technically,_ ” Regina caught herself, offering her son a small smile and feeling warm at the one she received in return. “There’s royal history there, surely you understand the draw?” Her attempted joke only briefly lifted Henry’s spirits, and Regina’s heart broke as she watched his face fall at the realization his plans may not have worked out. Even at age 17, his hope for happy endings was unwavering.

Sadly, Regina felt this _was_ the best chance she could give for everyone, including herself, to reach the happy ending to their story. She believed with her entire heart that hers was with Emma, but her blonde wife had hardly looked twice at her when she announced plans to move to London. A few days after letting her son know where she was going, the ex-wives sat in Regina’s study discussing (or, rather, signing papers and avoiding the other’s eye) custody and visitation.

Unable to maintain the hostility, Regina spoke first, tentatively testing the angered waters she knew were surrounding Emma, protecting her from any more pain. 

“I want to give us a chance to process…our time together. If I’m too close to home, even if I’m four states away..I’ll- I’ll want-”

“You’ll want _what,_ Regina?” Emma spat, her voice dripping in vitriol. “You’ll want me back? To play house again? To- to rebuild us…?” Emma sunk to the floor from her spot on the couch, covering her face with her hands as she began to heave in heavy sobs. 

“We were going to have a baby, Regina,” she cried out. “I…I was going to be a _mom_ this time…”

Emma drew in her knees and continued to spill her broken heart on the immaculate carpet, mourning the loss of a growing family she used to dream of, before Regina.

In that moment, Regina felt rage mixed with sorrow: she knew Emma blamed her for the loss of their daughter, but Regina had yet to come to terms with her grief, and especially her guilt.

“It’s over, Emma,” she said in an edged monotone. “It was over months ago-”

“You can’t even say her name!” Emma jerked her head up, jade eyes weeping into callous steel ones. “We had Charlotte picked out the minute we knew, and you can’t even say my baby’s name-" 

“It wasn’t _your_ baby!” Regina screamed. “For once, something was mine, just actually a part of _me,_ and then it was gone.”

“That pregnancy was doomed from the start, I _told_ you, everything I love, everything I hold dear, _leaves_ me. Every piece of me just…goes.” She broke down in tears, wiping away saltwater and snot with the sleeve of her cashmere sweater, not caring in the slightest.

Emma, forgetting her anger, moved forward to console her wife, but when she reached to rub Regina’s shoulder, Regina leaned back and swung at Emma’s face. 

“And how _dare_ you blame me,” Regina hissed, moving into Emma’s space, spittle landing on the blonde’s reddened cheek. Regina grabbed Emma’s shirt collar, forcing her to face the brunette’s brokenness. 

“You saw what I went through. We nearly lost our home after the election, I was still providing for you and our son while six months pregnant-” She was cut off by Emma slapping her hand away from her neck as Emma stood up abruptly, shaky legs barely holding up her lanky frame.

“Because of the god damn pills, Regina,” Emma hissed back, pointing a finger into Regina’s stunned face. “You _squandered_ money away for your fucking opioids – do _not_ deny it!” she barked as Regina opened her mouth in protest. “You poisoned our baby because you couldn’t handle losing your power, losing your fucking _title,_ a title which you had, by the way for decades…”

Regina pleaded with Emma, attempted to convince her she slipped into addiction, that her entire world hadn’t been shattered with newness after marriage to her sworn enemy’s daughter and rush to give Emma the chance at motherhood. But like her other excuses, Regina’s begging for a second chance fell on deaf ears as Emma slammed the door to the mansion, leaving her ex-wife to drown the memories of her dead child and self-hatred in the nearest bottle.

 

**Present**

 

Regina turned from the window in the study to look at the stain on her desk from that night, where she had collapsed in alcohol-induced sleep and ruined the polish on the black wood. The memory was etched in the darkest part of her brain, where all her transgressions lay dormant, occasionally erupting and carving out her insides at any moment. 

The time had come to move on.

As she turned to leave the study for the last time, she absentmindedly reached into her pocket for her gloves, and instead pulled out one last remaining bottle of Vicodin; hidden in an obvious spot so it would never be detected.

“So new place, but same old Regina, huh?”

Regina jumped and looked up to see Emma leaning against the doorframe, eyes trained on the orange bottle in Regina’s hand.

Regina glared at her ex-wife, though without the same intensity as usual. She walked the few steps to where Emma stood and placed the bottle in her hand, never breaking eye contact.

“No,” Regina answered quietly. “That was the last of them.”

Emma grasped the bottle and looked at the brunette’s sad expression. 

“This isn’t what I want to remember you by,” she said, shaking the bottle. Emma gave her a knowing smile and took Emma’s other hand, weaving their fingers together. Placing their linked hands over Emma’s chest, Regina ghosted the softest of kisses onto the blonde’s knuckles.

“I’ll always be right here.”

***

The cab to the airport arrived five minutes late, to Regina’s annoyance. Her exasperation quickly faded as she carried out her extravagant amount of luggage to the car with Henry’s help. Not letting her regret and sadness show on her face, she pulled Henry close to her and kissed the top of his head.

“You’ll be in London for Easter, darling,” Regina murmured into his hair. “Spring break isn’t so far away.”

Henry nodded, and instead of responding wrapped his arms tightly around his significantly shorter adoptive mother, who relaxed into his embrace. She squeezed firmly, and opened her eyes to see Emma on the porch, quickly looking away to wipe away tears.

“We should get going, Mrs. Mills.” The driver nervously gestured to the cab, and Regina knew this was the end; the end to what should have been the happiest chapter in her book. 

Henry let go of his mother and stepped back onto the porch by Emma’s side. “I love you, Mom.” 

“I love you too, my sweet boy.” Regina tried to keep her voice from cracking, turning her gaze to her ex-wife. 

“Goodbye, Emma,” she whispered. She took a step forward, wanting badly to grab onto the blonde woman’s shoulders, but decided against it. The thought of touching Emma for the last time, the woman she loved for so long, tore her apart, and if she let it show, she would never let her family live in peace without her.

  _It’s for the best,_ Regina thought to herself as she slid into the warm cabin of the taxi. The driver began to move down the driveway and Regina broke her promise to herself to look back at them one last time. 

They were gone.

Choking back a sob, Regina fumbled with her phone, trying to distract herself from the fact that it was over. It was all over.

_They don’t need me._

**Two minutes ago**

“Kid, get inside,” Emma ordered as the taxi pulled down the driveway. 

“But I wanted to wave goodbye-” 

“Kid, NOW!”

Henry jumped and glared at his mother, stomping inside the mansion and slamming the door shut.

“Unnecessary,” Emma muttered, shaking snow out of her hair.

“What the hell, Ma?” Henry yelled. “We let her go, just like that? No real goodbye?” His eyes filled with tears and Emma instantly hated herself for snapping at him. 

“ _Lang_ uage,” Emma said tersely, moving to the hall closet and pulling on her puffy sheriff’s coat. “Listen to me, Henry. Get your coat and do it fast. We don’t have a lot of time.” 

Henry gaped at her.

“Uh, where exactly are we going? I don’t really feel like doing anything-“ 

“We’re getting your mom back, kid.”

 

**Thirteen-ish hours later**

The kind English driver made small talk with Regina as they wove through the streets of London to the apartment she had rented months ago in preparation for today. It was snowing, much like the Storybrooke snow she had left behind half a day ago.

Regina shook her head, trying to block out the image. _No more happy endings._

“Here we are, miss,” the driver said cheerily, stopping in front of a beautiful brick building with iron-wrought gates in front. “Will you be needing any assistance going upstairs?”

“No, that won’t be necessary,” Regina said with as much kindness as she could muster. “My…assistant should be here to help me.” _Sydney is really more of a stalker, but what can you do?_

“Very well, ma’am,” he said, tipping his hat and leaving her luggage on the sidewalk. It had started to snow and Regina had no idea where Sydney Glass was. The cold began to irritate her, and she eventually had no choice but to move the suitcases in herself.

Three trips later, Regina had made it to the third floor and in front of Apartment 14. She took a deep breath and went to unlock the door, only to find it was open. 

_God DAMN it, Sydney._

She walked into the wide open space, scanning for any sign of the disgraced reporter. Walking down the hall, Regina found the office and spotted someone in her swivel chair, reading a newspaper.

“Mr. Glass, I have _no_ idea what you think this is, but this is not some kind of free-” 

The chair spun around to reveal her son sitting there, in front of her, in _London,_ with a giant grin on his face.

He flattened the newspaper on the desk, eyes locking with his mother’s shocked ones.

“Hey mom, did you know that a private plane gets you here in half the time?”

Regina blinked, hardly believing her child had made it across an entire ocean by himself. 

“Yes, I…I heard that,” she stammered. “What are you doing here, sweetheart?”

Henry leaned back in her chair, still smiling broadly.

“It took us about two minutes after you were gone… to realize we don’t want to lose you.”

“ _We?”_

“We.”

 Regina, startled, turned around to see her ex-wife come from the other door, hands in the pocket of her hoodie and face makeup-free. The brunette felt tears prick at the back of her eyes. The way Emma was looking at her…it was like when they first fell in love.

“I made a mistake letting you go, Regina. I won’t be without you,” Emma said forcefully. “No matter how much you want to be strong.”

Regina gulped. “And I suppose you expect me to come running back to you, asking you to be my savior, crying hysterically…” Emma moved closer and closer to the woman she loved with every word. “And we’ll just, what, start over again? Go back to _us_ again?”

Emma wrapped an arm around the brunette’s waist, using her other hand to wipe away tears and mascara. Regina pulled back slightly, still absorbing how much it meant that her family had come to take her back.

“I already paid for this place, we…we have a son, Henry can’t go back and forth between two _continents-”_

Emma grabbed Regina’s face with both hands, Regina grasping the blonde’s wrists as they stared at each other like it was the first time. 

“And what do you expect, Emma? For us to live happily ever after?”

Emma smiled.

“Yes. To all of the above.”

 

 

 


End file.
